Introduction: Thoughts on Motherhood Today
Many women my age — in their mid to late 20s and early 30s — including my two sisters and several close friends, have chosen not to have children, at least for the indefinite future.
Whether it’s the state of the world, the demands of pregnancy and parenting, a lack of support for parents and child care, or simply a sense that motherhood isn’t for them, I get it. Protecting a life so pure from today’s chaos; enduring the physical, mental, and emotional tolls of pregnancy and birth; and committing your next… forever… to someone else’s needs — it’s no wonder many want to take a pass.
Maybe this resonates with you? If so, you should feel 1000% supported in that decision — without needing to explain or defend it.
But unfortunately, pressure always seems to come from every direction:
Have kids. Don’t have kids.
Wait until you’re older. Don’t wait too long.
Have more than one kid. Don’t have too many kids.
Prioritize your career. Be a fully present stay-at-home mom.
Or my favorite, be a successful breadwinner and entrepreneur…and still a fully present mom, home maker, and partner.
It’s impossible to satisfy these conflicting expectations. And that’s why at the end of the day, each path is highly unique, and should be.
This variety of pressures have turned the organic, innately biological drive of “child-having,” into a highly scrutinized life choice. And there is power in that — the power to plan, prepare, and choose if and when we want to make the commitment. Children are a tremendous responsibility and transform every aspect of your world.
Most of us are aware of and deterred by the lack of maternity and paternity support in the U.S., the astronomical cost of childcare, or the constant pressure to keep planning, saving, and waiting for the “perfect time.”
Yet of course, waiting has risks too — fertility complications, the financial toll of IVF if desired, health risks of pregnancy later in life, and the pros and cons of being an older parent.
It’s a lot.
In my case — and maybe like you — I’ve always wanted to have children. I’ve always wanted to be a mom.
The Surprise: My Pregnancy Discovery
That said, my pregnancy came as a bit of a surprise. I was starting my 4th year of medical school, at the peak of my fitness journey — eating clean, doing weekly HIIT workouts, Pilates, and running 4 to 8 miles every other day. I was juggling clinical rotations, nourishing my relationship with my partner, and tending to our home, jungle of plants, and three cats.
In August 2024, my period came 10 days late. With my high physical activity level and family history of PCOS, I wasn’t overly concerned. Then September passed… and nothing.
By mid-October, during the last days of a clinical rotation, I noticed my chest was unusually sore when lying on my stomach. I figured I would check a pregnancy test, just in case, first thing the next morning.
In the early hours of Friday, October 18th, I set the test to the side while washing my hands; expecting a negative result like the few others I had taken before.
A thought crossed my mind: how cruel would it be if, come my planned age of 30 or later, I find out I can’t get pregnant when I’ve always wanted to be a mother? A twinge of deep sadness hit me. But, no need to waste time on feeling down — my planning perfectionism knew there was much to do before then.
Or so I thought.
I looked back down… two lines.
Two lines.
I knew exactly what it meant, but checked the box anyway. A rush of adrenaline washed over me. Shock. Awe. Joy.
I was pregnant.
The world both froze and sped all at once.
My partner was leaving for the day, and as I heard him approach the front door, I quietly tucked the test behind a frame in the bathroom. I needed time to process before sharing the news. I kissed him goodbye with all the calm I could muster.
Timing, Planning, and Compartmentalization
My mind was racing. Actually, I thought, the timing works out…
Thanks to a scholarship through my medical school adding a 5th year as a junior faculty member, I would have a lighter schedule next year. I could complete my core rotations and exams during pregnancy in 4th year, then ease into motherhood with more time at home for postpartum recovery, breastfeeding, and bonding.
But first, a major hurdle: my level 2 (of 3) board exam was 18 days away.
One of the biggest exams of my life — 8 hours long, and critical for residency competitiveness…and I just found out I was pregnant.
I told myself: This baby is coming. Everything will work out. For now, just focus for the next 2½ weeks.
Preparing for Expecting
Thankfully, I wasn’t on any medications, had already been taking folate supplementation, and don’t drink alcohol. I began prenatal vitamins right away, made it my quest to drink more water, avoided risky foods (deli meats, unwashed salads, sushi), and cut back on the little bit of caffeine I drank.
With the essentials in order, I tucked the rest of my worries away — just for now.
Those 18 days after my pregnancy discovery were a blur of study questions, textbooks, podcasts, and practice tests. While my mental discipline to avoid pregnancy thoughts held strong, my body reminded me daily.
Though lucky to never vomit once during pregnancy, I had steady waves of nausea, which of course, peaked during this last 18-day study period. My quick fix? Salty snacks. Olives, sea salt and vinegar chips, sauerkraut, cheddar & sour cream chips. Not my usual “healthy food” preferences, but an effective solution for the time being.
Milestones: Test Day and Celebrations
Before I knew it, November 6th arrived: test day.
I prayed to stay focused — and not too nauseous — throughout the 8+ hour stretch ahead. For snacks, I packed olives, peanut butter and apple slices, salt and vinegar chips, a PB&J sandwich, raspberries, and carrots. A wide array of choices so if one made me uneasy, I had options.
I told myself and the baby: We just have to get through today. Then we’ll focus on you.
To my relief, the test went well! My intensive prep had paid off. While part of me wanted to veg out in post-exam bliss, my partner’s best friend was getting married three days later, so we packed.
On November 8th, we flew out for the rehearsal dinner and wedding. Though exhausted, it was a joyous occasion — one of the most beautiful ceremonies I’d ever attended. And it was easy to turn down drinks without suspicion since I rarely drank anyway.
But I chuckled along when someone joked that those of us skipping cocktails must be pregnant. In reality, no one seemed to suspect — though my partner cheekily commented on how great my boobs looked in my dress. I laughed and shrugged, saying they “get big and stay big some cycles.” He wasn’t going to complain!
Confirmation and Processing Pregnancy
Once we returned home, I finally had time to process: I was pregnant.
Three weeks had passed since my pregnancy discovery, and it still felt surreal. Maybe it was a fluke? A false positive? Before I jumped into planning and appointments, I needed proof again.
On November 11th, on the way to a lunch date with my mom, I stopped at a Target bathroom with a digital test. Within seconds, the screen read: PREGNANT. My heart skipped. The nervousness and excitement came rushing back.
It was real. I didn’t know how far along I was, how I’d tell my partner, or what the next forever would look like… but I knew one thing: baby was coming.
Looking Ahead: A New Chapter Begins
In my next post, I’ll share how I began navigating the very first prenatal to-do’s after my pregnancy discovery.
If you’ve been through this stage yourself, I’d love to hear how you first found out you were pregnant — what was your experience? Share your story and reflections in the comments below.