After I finally told Chris I was pregnant, he immediately wanted to tell someone else.
I had been carrying the news alone for eight weeks. He had been carrying it for about an hour.
I guess we’re all built a little differently.
But if he was going to insist on telling his parents that day, then I was going to tell my mom that day. That was only fair.
And without even realizing it, the first “fairness games” of parenthood had begun.
The First Fairness Game
If he was going to tell his parents, then my mom also deserved to know.
So I made him wait until I could get a hold of her and invite her out to dinner.
Busy and a little confused by the random invitation, she happily agreed. She mentioned she wouldn’t have much time, so I suggested we simply grab coffee and catch up. Meanwhile, Chris would stay home and call his parents.
There actually wasn’t much to telling my mom.
Just like telling Chris, I had built the moment up so much in my head that I couldn’t find the words.
We sat and talked over coffee.
I said nothing.
We got in the car and started driving home.
Sh*t, I thought. I need to just tell her.
And still, I didn’t say anything.
Finally, about a block from our house, I asked her to pull into a nearby park parking lot.
Then I simply blurted it out.
“I’m pregnant.”
She looked at me with complete surprise before breaking into the biggest smile.
With a squeal, she hugged me, congratulated me, and when we got home, she gave Chris and I another big congratulations together.
It was simple.
And somehow, it went exactly as I hoped.
Why We Waited
Now that the parents knew, Chris was ready to tell everyone.
And I was not.
We hadn’t even had our first prenatal appointment!
One of the biggest reasons many families choose to wait to share pregnancy news is that the risk of miscarriage decreases significantly after the first trimester, especially after 12–13 weeks, and important milestones like hearing the heartbeat and completing the anatomy scan can bring families a little more confidence moving forward.
Some parents announce the day they find out. Others wait until birth. And every choice from those extremes to anything in between is completely valid.
For me, waiting simply felt right.
The Questions We Had to Ask Ourselves
As we started talking about sharing the news, I realized there wasn’t just one decision.
There were actually several.
- Who are we comfortable telling?
- In what order feels fair?
- At what point in the pregnancy do we want to share?
- And what information do we actually want to give people?
Those conversations ended up being just as important as the announcements themselves.
Ultimately, we swore our parents to secrecy while we took our time deciding what came next.
After a little convincing, we eventually agreed to wait until after the 20-week anatomy scan before sharing with the next wave of close relatives and his best friends.
Our Personal Timeline
15 weeks
- Chris
- Our parents
20–24 weeks
- My sisters
- Chris’ sister
- A few close friends from Chris’ high school and college
24–36 weeks
- My best friend from high school
- My best friend from medical school
- Chris’ extended family
After delivery
- Most of my medical school colleagues
- College colleagues
- Professional contacts
- More of my family
As I still had another year as both a student and adjunct faculty member at our medical school, we intentionally kept the pregnancy private from anyone affiliated with the school until we had a better sense of our plans.
In medicine, everyone seems to know everyone.
I simply wanted my pregnancy experience to be my own.
I didn’t want the personal questions, different treatment, unsolicited advice, awkward comments about my growing belly, or the unexpected touching that somehow seems to come with pregnancy. (I’ll save that topic for another post.)
It was also a little taboo that we were planning a home birth, and I wasn’t interested in constantly defending a decision that Chris and I had researched extensively and felt confident about.
I wanted to surround myself with positivity and people who trusted us to make the best decisions for our family.
Keeping the News Our Own
Besides our immediate circle, we kept the pregnancy remarkably quiet.
In fact, I became surprisingly good at hiding it.
I managed to conceal my pregnancy through group conferences at 30 weeks, my sister’s wedding at 34 weeks, and even flag-bearing in high heels for Chris’ graduation at 38½ weeks pregnant.
Honestly, it was quite the feat.
(And yes, I’ll definitely have to write another post about hiding—or highlighting—a baby bump.)
Because we had kept everything so small and intimate, I also didn’t feel strongly about having a traditional baby shower.
Chris’ mom very generously offered to host one, and after initially saying no, I eventually agreed to a hybrid virtual baby shower that allowed Chris’ distant family members to celebrate with us.
That ended up being the perfect fit.
What We Chose to Share
When we did tell people, we generally shared three things:
- Baby looked healthy.
- Baby was a boy.
- He would be arriving sometime around the middle of June.
Notice I didn’t say our due date.
In fact, we only shared the actual date with our parents, and after that first conversation, we rarely mentioned it again.
Everyone else simply heard:
“He’s due sometime in mid June.”
I absolutely love the idea of talking about a baby’s “season of arrival” rather than a specific due date.
Pregnancy already comes with enough pressure. Once that due date arrives, the endless “Any baby yet?” texts somehow become one of the most anxiety-producing parts of the whole experience.
The truth is that even the best gestational age estimates have a margin of error, and many healthy pregnancies naturally extend beyond their due date.
For us, protecting that little bit of privacy was one of the best decisions we made.
One Last Thought
Throughout my pregnancy, a few people suggested that waiting to tell certain family, friends, or colleagues might hurt their feelings and create awkwardness.
Maybe that’s true.
But I don’t think that should ever be the reason you share deeply personal news before you’re ready.
Pregnancy belongs to the parents first.
You are allowed to have boundaries. You are allowed to protect your peace.
You are allowed to decide who gets to walk alongside you during different parts of the journey.
And the people who truly love you will understand when you choose to let them in.
Some families announce the day they see two lines. Others wait until birth. Neither is wrong.
Our timeline certainly wasn’t the only way to do it. It was simply the way that felt right for our family.
I’d love to hear your experience. Did you announce your pregnancy right away, or did you wait for certain milestones? And was anyone else surprised by how much thought goes into deciding who to tell—and when? Share your story in the comments below. 🤍